Where Muslims meet

We spoke with Maryam Thomas during Black History Month UK, to unpack how Muslims from multicultural and mixed heritages view love, relationships and marriages today. Maryam is a digital creator who specialises in lifestyle, beauty, and fashion focused content. She aims to pave the way for underrepresented voices in creative spaces.

You come from both Black and Malay heritage. How would you describe the way these two cultures shape your sense of self?

Growing up with both Black and Malay heritage has completely shaped my sense of self. On my mom’s Malay side, I’ve been connected since I was a baby, from traveling there often when I was younger, learning Malay at home with my mom, and staying rooted in culture even when distance and cost made visits less frequent. On my dad’s Black side, ironically I spent much of my childhood in predominantly white environments, first in Wisconsin, then Long Island, where being Muslim, Black, and Asian often felt isolating. For a long time, I downplayed parts of my identity like being Muslim because of stereotypes and racism. There weren’t many girls who looked like me, so I felt pressure to fit in rather than stand out.

That shifted when I moved to Charlotte, North Carolina for high school. Being surrounded by more diversity allowed me to fully embrace who I am. I started wearing my natural curls instead of straightening them, felt proud when people asked about my heritage, and realized that my mix of cultures was something unique and beautiful.Those experiences taught me that identity isn’t about hiding the parts that make you different; it’s about embracing them. Today, I see my Black and Malaysian roots, along with my Muslim faith, as my greatest strengths. They’ve made me adaptable, empathetic, unique, and proud to stand in spaces where representation is still growing, like content creation.

From your Black roots, what stories of culture or experiences have shaped your understanding of love and community?

The most influential story from my Black heritage is the love story between my grandparents. My grandfather was Black, and my grandmother is white, and at the time they fell in love, segregation was still very real in America. Interracial marriage was actually illegal. Instead of giving up on their relationship, they moved to France, where they were free to marry. My grandfather went on to attend medical school there since opportunities were closed off to him in the States. Eventually, they returned to America and built their lives together, raising children and building a family through all of those challenges.

Their story has always been a source of inspiration for me. It showed me that love is powerful enough to cross boundaries society tries to set, and that real commitment sometimes means going against the grain. Even though interracial marriage was only legalized in the U.S. within the last few decades, the resilience of their union reminds me that love and community are strongest when they’re rooted in courage, sacrifice, and the belief that everyone deserves to be seen and cherished. I’m so proud to be their grandchild, and this story will always be a huge part of my identity.

Love should never have a color or condition attached to it.

Maryam Thomas And from your Malay roots, what values or traditions stand out as particularly influential in how you think about family and relationships?

In Malay and broader Asian culture, being family-oriented is deeply ingrained. Caring for elders and even living with extended family is seen as completely normal, and that perspective has shaped me in powerful ways. For example, my recent decision to move in and help take care of my grandmother is directly influenced by those values. In many Western contexts, it’s more common for elders to be placed in care facilities, which isn’t necessarily wrong, especially when families are juggling demanding jobs or raising children. But for me, my upbringing made it feel natural and necessary to rearrange parts of my personal life so I could prioritize my grandmother’s well-being. This value of putting family first has carried into how I think about relationships overall: love and commitment aren’t just about two people, they’re about your tribe and family, and yes, that includes your in-laws.

Have you always felt your identities blended naturally, or has it been a journey learning how to hold space for both at once?

It’s definitely been a journey. For a long time, I felt like I didn’t fully belong anywhere, not completely in the Black community, not fully in the white community, and not fully in the Asian community either. I used to put so much pressure on myself to “pick a side” or fit neatly into one box. Eventually, I realized you don’t have to fit into just one category; you can hold space for all the parts of who you are (and honestly, being mixed means I literally do check multiple boxes on forms, which always makes me laugh). What really helped me was finding community with other mixed kids in high school. A lot of my close friends were also mixed girls, and I think we gravitated toward each other because we just got it. We could relate to that feeling of being in-between, but instead of seeing it as a limitation, we saw it as something special. We all had the privilege of getting to experience multiple cultures all at once.

How do family and community expectations, from both sides, influence the way you think about partnership and commitment?

When it comes to my family, we’re extremely mixed with different cultures, ethnicities, and even religions represented. Because of that, there isn’t really a rigid “checklist” of expectations. The main thing my family values is that our partners practice Islam and that they treat us with respect, love, and kindness. Loyalty, support, and good character are what matter most. Community expectations, though, can feel a little different. Sometimes there are outside pressures about what a “perfect” partner should look like, whether that’s cultural background, career, or occupation. But I’ve learned that at the end of the day, it’s not about living up to every expectation out there, it’s about building a partnership that’s rooted in God, trust, and mutual respect. That’s what lasts. I can happily say I’m in a loving, happy, and healthy relationship, Alhamdullilah, and I’m looking forward to our future together. I adore and love his family, and my family loves him right back.

From your perspective, what role should cultural heritage play in Muslim marriages today, as a complement to faith, not a barrier?

I think a lot of people mix the two up, but culture and religion are actually very different things. Yes, they overlap in many ways. Culture often influences how religion is practiced, and religion can shape culture too, but they aren’t the same. For me, it’s really important to go back to what Islam itself says about marriage, not just what culture says. That becomes especially important when you come from multiple cultural backgrounds, because traditions can sometimes clash or even contradict each other. In some cases, culture can even dictate things that don’t align with Islam. That’s why open and honest conversations with family are so important: to understand where they’re coming from culturally, and then weigh that against what faith teaches us.

When culture and religion work together, it’s beautiful. I also think cultural heritage can be a bridge between families, helping to create unity and mutual respect across different backgrounds. Personally, I’d love to incorporate traditional Malaysian elements into my own future wedding, but I’d also love to incorporate the traditions my partner feels are important to him. It’s a way of honoring where we both come from while keeping faith at the center. To me, that’s what it means for culture to be a complement, not a barrier.

Culture adds richness, identity, and tradition to a marriage, while faith provides the foundation that keeps everything balanced.

Maryam Thomas Do you feel your multicultural background gives you a wider lens on what love and partnership can look like in a Muslim context?

Absolutely! Growing up in such a multicultural family has shown me that love and partnership don’t have to look just one way. I’ve seen it firsthand with my brother marrying a Black woman, my sister marrying a Jordanian man, and my mom being Malay while my dad is Black. Each relationship looks different culturally, but the common thread is always the same: our faith in God and the love and support we give one another. I also think being rooted in just one culture can sometimes make it feel like there’s only one “right” way to do things, whether that’s because of family pressure or cultural expectations, and that’s completely understandable. But I feel really privileged to come from a background where multiple perspectives are part of my everyday life.

It’s given me such a wide lens on love: I’ve been able to see that there isn’t one single formula for a happy, faith-centered marriage. That perspective makes me both grateful and hopeful, because it reminds me that love in Islam has room to look different for everyone as long as it’s built on respect, commitment, and a shared devotion to God.

What lessons or values from your heritages would you want to pass on to future generations about love, marriage, and family?

There isn’t just one way to approach love, marriage, or family. You have to find what works best for you. If you want to marry outside of your culture or ethnicity, do it. As long as you share common faith and values, there’s something so beautiful about blending cultures and learning from one another. The world is a melting pot, and no one should pressure you into marrying a certain way if it doesn’t feel right for you. As long as it’s halal, it’s okay to go against the grain.

At the end of the day, you should choose someone who makes you happy, someone who pushes you to grow, and someone who strives to better themselves, too. Marriage is about partnership, and it’s not always a perfect 50/50. Sometimes you’ll carry more, sometimes your partner will. But the balance evens out when there’s love and intention. One value I especially want to pass on is this: it should always be you and your partner together against the problem, never partner versus partner.

Finally, what advice would you share with young Muslims navigating the modern search for a partner, while trying to stay true to both their faith and their heritage?

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is the importance of being on the same page, whether it’s wanting kids, how you’ll raise them, or what role faith will play in your household. These conversations might feel heavy, but they’re crucial early on. In today’s world, especially in the West, it’s easy to get swayed by the dating culture around us. That’s why it’s so important to be upfront and honest with potential partners about your intentions from the very beginning. Communication is key, and clear boundaries protect both people from heartbreak. I’ve seen too many situations where someone invests in a relationship only to realize later that their goals don’t align.

One of my favorite reminders comes from the Qur’an, which my best friend used frequently throughout her wedding last year, Surah An-Naba, verse 8: “And We created you in pairs.”

Maryam Thomas

At the same time, don’t lose hope. Everything happens for a reason, and if you’re experiencing heartbreak, it’s because something better is in store for you. Your partner is out there. Be patient, trust Allah’s timing, and know that the right person will come when it’s meant to be. The process might take time, but in the end, it will be worth it, Insha’Allah. 

Banner cover photo credits: @zebo.g

We spoke with Sauda Husna Imam during London Fashion Week 2025, to unpack how fashion and culture influence the way Muslims view love, relationships and marriages today. Sauda is a multidisciplinary designer and Royal College of Arts graduate who specialises in bridal wear, printmaking and handwoven textiles, with her design practice sitting at the intersection of fashion and interior. She weaves narratives of cultural heritage and contemporary design, being both a storyteller and proud British Nigerian creative.

How do you see Islamic values around modesty influencing how Muslims express attraction and identity in relationships today?

When I think about faith and fashion, I’m reminded of my mother’s wedding outfits in the 90s. Many of the styles she chose were the West African Boubou. The Boubou aligned perfectly with modesty and cultural identity. What I find powerful is how the style both conceals and reveals: it allowed brides to embody Islamic values of modesty while still being elegant and fashion-forward.

For Muslim women, fashion has always been more than aesthetics – it’s a way to negotiate faith, culture, and self-expression. In relationships, modest fashion can be deeply alluring. Attraction isn’t erased by modesty; it’s reshaped. It shifts from revealing everything to leaving something to the imagination, which makes it more intentional, dignified and layered.

For Muslims balancing both Western and Islamic identities, how does fashion become a bridge (or barrier) when it comes to finding a partner?

This has always been the heart of my own journey. I see myself as a cultural hybrid: Nigerian, British, and Muslim. It’s a beautiful thing to draw from all these different parts of yourself. My grandmother, for instance, was the wife of a diplomat. She moved across the world, yet her one constant was fashion. It was her way of carrying ‘home’ with her, wherever she went. For me, that’s what fashion does: it becomes the bridge that allows Muslims balancing Western and Islamic identities to show who they are.

When it comes to finding a partner, that bridge can be powerful. Fashion communicates values instantly – someone may see your style and recognise the balance you’re striking between faith and modernity. It can attract a partner who appreciates that duality. But it can also be a barrier when it’s misinterpreted: abayas may be seen as ‘too traditional,’ while Western-leaning styles as ‘too liberal.’ In reality, fashion is one of the ways Muslims express nuance in identity. The right partner will see that as a celebration of who you are.

Do you think seeing modest fashion on mainstream platforms has changed how Muslims view themselves as ‘desirable’ in love?

Representation matters so much. Growing up, I didn’t see modest fashion in the mainstream. In fact, I felt the opposite – restriction. My mum would make me wear long sleeves under t-shirts, my dad was the family fashion police, and in northern Nigeria where I grew up, the society was very traditional. There weren’t any modest fashion ‘girlies’ online to look up to because the influencer space didn’t even exist then. Because of that, it was easy to feel like modesty and desirability couldn’t coexist. But now, seeing modest fashion celebrated on global platforms completely changes the narrative. It shows young Muslims that you don’t have to compromise your faith to feel beautiful, stylish or desirable. The next generation can be themselves fully, without editing out parts of their identity to be loved.

In your experience, how does embracing faith-inspired fashion challenge the stereotypes non-Muslims (and sometimes Muslims) have about love and relationships in our communities?

Faith-inspired fashion often gets boxed into stereotypes – that it’s oppressive, outdated, or somehow incompatible with romance. In western media, we’ve all seen the trope: a hijabi character finally gets a love interest, and the first thing that happens is the hijab comes off. As if faith and love can’t exist side by side. That narrative is so limiting and it tells young Muslims that desirability requires compromise.

My experience has been the opposite. Embracing modest fashion has shown me how much strength and confidence there is in expressing identity through faith. For non-Muslims, seeing modest fashion worn unapologetically challenges the idea that Muslim women are voiceless in relationships. And for Muslims, it pushes back against the belief that you have to water down your faith to be seen as modern or desirable. The truth is, modesty and love aren’t at odds. They can and always have, gone hand in hand.

Can fashion empower Muslims to feel authentic in their faith and culture while still being open to love in a modern context?

For me, living in London as a Nigerian Muslim has been a huge part of this journey. At first, I felt weird standing out – my clothes, my faith, my culture. Over time I decided to lean into it rather than shy away. I went on a journey of unapologetic growth, embracing all of it and that gave me a confidence people actually found attractive.

Ironically, it was living in the West that made me appreciate my Muslim and Nigerian identities even more. Fashion became the way I expressed that – blending modesty with individuality, tradition with modernity. It allowed me to show up fully as myself, and I think that’s what makes you open to love in a modern context. When you’re authentic, you invite the kind of love that sees you for who you really are.

How do you see young Muslims negotiating between cultural wedding traditions, Islamic values, and modern fashion aesthetics when it comes to love and marriage?

I see many young Muslims wanting to honour tradition, stay true to Islamic values, and still feel in the times. Weddings really capture this push and pull. On one hand, there are cultural expectations – the fabrics, the silhouettes, the ceremonies passed down through generations. On the other, there’s the influence of global fashion trends and social media, which set a completely different standard for beauty and style.

What I find inspiring is how creative young Muslims have become in merging the two. I call my Naija girlies ‘Afropolitan Brides’ – women of African heritage with a cosmopolitan identity, tied to multiple places and cultures, who confidently draw from both worlds. You’ll see brides wearing traditional textiles such as Adiré or Aso Oke in contemporary cuts. Even my mum celebrated her cultural hybridity at her wedding by wearing European lace sewn into a Boubou style. It’s not about choosing one over the other, but about merging faith and culture to create an authentic style. For me, that’s what love and marriage are really about: finding harmony between values, heritage, and self-expression.

Nigerian weddings are famous for being big, bold, and beautifully styled. How has that influenced the way you see fashion’s role in love and marriage?

The fabrics at Nigerian weddings all carry meaning. They communicate your tribe, your family’s story, and your place in the celebration. The colours are intentional, chosen to symbolise joy, unity, or heritage. Even the guests wear aso ebi (matching fabrics) to show belonging – one side for the bride, one side for the groom. It honours the past while marking the beginning of the couple’s future. Growing up around that shaped how I see fashion’s role in love and marriage. Everything is intentional. It’s never just about aesthetics; it’s about using cloth to tell a story of identity, love, and community.

Nigerian fashion is so tied to identity. How do you carry that cultural pride into how you think about Muslim relationships in the West?

For Nigerians, fashion is identity. Our ancestors wore cloth that told tales of where they came from before they even spoke. Growing up with that taught me that what you wear isn’t just surface; it’s tied to belonging and legacy. Carrying that into my life in the West has shaped how I think about Muslim relationships here. It’s reminded me that you don’t have to water yourself down to be accepted or loved.

In fact, the more I leaned into my Nigerian and Muslim identities, the more confident I became – and that confidence is attractive in itself. Fashion became the tool that helped me merge those layers, blending faith, culture, and individuality. For me, it’s proof that you can be fully yourself (Nigerian, Muslim, Western) and the right partner will see the beauty in loving all those parts of you.

Nigerian culture celebrates colour, community, and tradition in weddings. How has that shaped your own ideas of what a Muslim marriage should look and feel like?

I’ve always felt like Nigerian weddings are more culture than faith – a lot of the aspects are tied to tradition rather than religion. But to me, that’s what makes Muslim marriage so beautiful: it’s accommodating. It doesn’t matter where you come from, your culture can sit alongside your faith. At the end of the day, it’s about love, family, legacy, and belonging.

Growing up around big Nigerian weddings showed me that while the details might look different across cultures, the essence is the same. Muslim marriage makes space for that diversity while grounding it in shared values. That’s what makes it so universal.

What’s one piece of advice you’d give Muslims about staying authentic to their faith and culture when presenting themselves to search for a partner?

My advice would be to stay true to who you are. Don’t present a watered-down version of yourself just to seem more desirable. Your faith and culture are not barriers – they’re a bridge. When you carry yourself with that clarity, you invite the kind of love that feels like home. The right partner won’t just love fragments of you, they’ll love every piece, because together those pieces are what make you whole.

Finding a partner, marriage, and everything in between can feel like a balancing act, especially for Muslims who are constantly navigating cultural expectations and personal goals. On one hand, there’s the never-ending question from family members: “Why aren’t you married yet?”. On the other hand, there’s the nervous anticipation of meeting someone for the first time after weeks or months of messaging on the app.

Both situations can stir up anxiety, but the truth is: you’re not alone, and there are healthy ways to handle both family pressure around marriage and first date nerves.

In this guide, we’ll break down:

How to deal with relatives asking about your marriage timeline Why there’s no “right age” to get married How to protect your mental health when family expectations feel heavy Tips for handling a first date after talking on the app The right questions to ask on a first date to check compatibility When The Family Asks Why You’re Not Married…Yet Family Pressure and the “Right Age” Myth

For both Muslim men and women, marriage questions start early. By the time you hit your mid-20s, you’ve probably heard:

“So, when is it your turn?” “You’re not getting any younger.” “We just want to see you settled.”

But here’s the truth: there is no specific age when you “should” be married. Everyone’s journey is different, and marriage is too big a step to rush into just because your parents or aunties and uncles keep bringing it up.

Why Delaying Marriage Can Be a Healthy Choice

Instead of worrying about being “only 26” or “already 30,” focus on what you want to achieve. Maybe you’re working on your career, studying, traveling, or simply figuring yourself out. Those are all valid reasons to wait.

Entering a lifelong partnership without reaching your personal goals can lead to resentment later. And resentment doesn’t make a strong marriage.

Protecting Your Mental Health From Expectations

Family questions can come from a place of love, but they can also trigger stress, guilt, or shame. To protect your mental health:

Set gentle boundaries: It’s okay to politely redirect or say you’re not ready to discuss it. Remind yourself: Their timeline is not your timeline. Stay open-minded: Being open to marriage doesn’t mean rushing into it; it just means being emotionally and mentally available when the right person comes.

At the end of the day, your marriage journey is deeply personal. Don’t let cultural noise drown out your inner voice.

Nervous About a First Date After Talking on the App? You’re Not Alone. Why First Dates Feel So Intense

You’ve been messaging someone on the app for weeks, or maybe even months. The chats flow easily, the jokes land, and it feels like there’s a spark. But now, it’s time to meet face-to-face, and suddenly your palms are sweaty.

It’s normal. A first date, especially after online talking, comes with questions:

What if they’re different in person? What if we don’t click? What do I even say?

The good news: there are strategies to calm your nerves and make the most of it.

Be Honest, Open, and Yourself

The best first date advice? Don’t perform. You don’t need to impress them with a perfect version of yourself. Instead:

Speak honestly about who you are. Share your values and interests. Don’t avoid important conversations.

Pretending to be someone you’re not only wastes both your time and theirs.

Ask the “Tough Questions” Early

Yes, small talk can help break the ice. But if you’ve already been talking online for a while, it’s better to ask deeper questions sooner rather than later. Think:

What are your long-term goals? How important is faith in your life? What do you want marriage to look like for you?

These aren’t “too much” questions, they’re smart questions. They help you figure out if you’re compatible or if it’s best to move on.

Pay Attention to How You Feel

Compatibility isn’t just about answers, it’s about energy. Notice:

Do you feel comfortable and safe around them? Do their actions match their words? Do you feel respected and listened to?

Sometimes the gut feeling is the clearest answer of all.

Finding Balance: Your Timeline, Your Journey

Whether you’re fending off family comments about your single status or nervously walking into a first date, the central message is the same: trust yourself. You don’t owe anyone a rushed marriage. You don’t need to go on dates pretending to be someone you’re not. You do deserve to pursue your goals, protect your mental health, and wait for a relationship that feels right.

Marriage is a huge step, and so are the choices leading up to it. There’s no formula, no deadline, and no one-size-fits-all journey. Your timeline is yours and perfectly written by Allah SWT, and that’s more than enough.